It had been a while since I last spoke to Elizabeth and I was fearful that she may dismiss some of my ideas. I always enjoy these tutorial sessions as we tend to drift in and around ideas before dissecting them.
I made an analogy of mind being like a constellation, linking up all these ideas to form one big creative landscape. As I explained to Elizabeth, I feel as though I'm walking along a path at night. There is no clear visibility but I am trusting my instincts in allowing the stars to show me the way. Yes it's hazy, but I know I will get to my destination.
Elizabeth asked me if I had Dyslexia but I think what she really meant to say was, did I have issues with keeping focus on one particular theme. I have to admit that when my mind gets going...well it gets going. Also during lockdown, I have missed that one-to-one communication with people. My excitement can sometimes be misconstrued as not having clear objectives, however in my own mind everything seems very clear.
I spoke to Elizabeth at length about my ideas as it dawned on me that this way of presenting and showings ones thoughts, especially through the online medium is a very strange ritual. I felt at some points that I was at an interview, or at the worst being scolded by a teacher for forgetting my homework. This was all on me.
When I told Elizabeth that I potentially had RELATE as a stakeholder, I thought she would be impressed.
Throughout this course, I have wanted to achieve the best grade I can get. To drive and improve myself and to make the teachers proud of me. This is obviously an imprint made from many years ago. Perhaps this need for validation is something most of us suffer from? In any case, I will take more time to reflect on that.
I was glad that Elizabeth was encouraging on my concept for a children's book and how I can use this medium to mentor parents. One issue she had was that I didn't ask in my research why children respond better to animals than humans through stories in general. I had done copious amounts of research and was disappointed that this was being picked up on. She was right of course but I felt it was a small piece. An unseen star on my journey home.
After a few days, I began to reflect more and more on Elizabeth's comments. She is there to push me and to guide me. I can see that she is challenging me and challenging my assumptions. She is not there to pat me on the back and to tell me how great I am doing. She is there to help me strategise and prepare my final product. I've tried to test my assumptions as I've progressed on this course, something that was encouraged on us in the first few weeks and these tutorials always solidify and reflect on what decisions I have made.
I've always enjoyed being motivated by a slightly more authoritarian approach - in the pursuit of perfection. As I get older I set myself targets. There is plenty yet for me to achieve on this course but I am ready for the final leg of my journey and wait with anticipation at the first site of camp.
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