It’s almost impossible to encapsulate my feelings right now. I’m not sleeping at the moment and I cannot distinguish between the differing emotions.
A mixture of fear and excitement; all the old adjectives. One theme that continues as a motif is time. It’s only a couple of months to submission and there are so many things I still want to do. I’m working on this project every night now. It’s a passion and consumes me. The emergence of our festival also has crossover themes. And this time that I allude to, will determine if this is a good thing.
One thing for certain is that this feels like a paradigm shift in my life. ‘The times are a changin’ they say. So much still to happen, so much to contemplate. I know that over the next few months, I will have moments or sometimes days where it will almost be too much. I have to monitor that. Observe the progress, I’m making and the impact that it will inevitably have on me personally.
To counter this, I signed up for a course on resilience.
This short 2-hour session was to focus on 5 things:
· Energy
· Future focus
· Inner Drive
· Flexible thinking
· Strong relationships
There wasn’t anything presented to me in this session that I didn’t really know but it was nice to cover ground and reaffirm some core values and ideals that I already have. What did stand out for me was the unity of the group attending and how everyone got to know each other. Due to this pandemic we have kept to our small groups, our 6 or whatever the bloody hell it is this week; and yet I felt a sense of unity and empathy for everyone attending. We are all preserving in some way. Each of us have our own wall of resilience and I refuse to let mine be breached by fear of Covid, fear of failure or indeed anything else that comes my way.
In the group I discussed how ‘flexible thinking’ had helped me combat any issues over the past few months and that forging good relationships with co-pilot mentors has been absolutely crucial in how I’ve survived and got through an immense workload of job, M.A. and being part of a family.
This was a very useful exercise and I’m glad I signed up.
My mind does fluctuate between fear and confidence but at the moment I have an overwhelming passion to succeed and will fight all the way to bring a successful conclusion to my project.
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